Save Me
by SeriouslySkullFlap
Summary: Season 4 through the eyes of a patient.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, my name is Tim Hilliard. I am 45 years old and I am in a coma. At least I think I am in a coma. I can't really be in a coma if I can see everything around me though, so I guess I am not sure what's going on just yet. I just woke up this morning and they haven't explained what's going on. I know they think I am in a coma because they talk to me like I am not here. By they, I mean the doctors and nurses. I wonder if they have contacted my son and daughter yet.

Dr. Shepherd seems like a nice enough guy. I only know his name because he introduced himself to me. That was nice of him considering they think I am not "here". He says he's the head of neurosurgery so how can he not see that I am still "here"? I am paralyzed, I just tried to move my arm and nothing happened. I can still feel though, so I am just very confused. I hope someone will be able to explain all of this to me soon. Well anyway, I hope this Dr. Shepherd guy is as good as he says he is because it looks like I am going to need all the help I can get.

I think this is a teaching hospital. This morning a group of doctors came in here to talk about me. It's too bad I was too groggy to understand what they were saying. I am much more alert now than a few hours ago. Dr. Shepherd assigned this doctor to me, she reminds me a lot of my wife. She's blonde and beautiful and seems to have a good head on her shoulders, just like Dawn did. I say did because my wife died about 20 years ago. We got married at a young age because we had found out she was pregnant with the twins, we thought it was the right thing to do. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

There is a group of doctors who seem to have taken a liking to my room. They hang out in here when ever they get free time. It seems that they used to hang out in someone else's room but the new interns took that over which confirms my theory that this is a teaching hospital, Seattle Grace must be where I am. I don't mind that they stay in here, I could use the company. I actually enjoy listening to them talk, it reminds me of this TV show I watch. Lots of drama goes on here it seems.

I am glad Dr. Shepherd isn't giving up on me. I am still here alive and kicking. He just informed me that they're going to do a few more tests. I think deep down inside he knows that I am awake, at least I hope so. The poor man looks so stressed out whenever he comes in here alone. I wonder what's going on with him, it's probably his job. Brain surgery isn't exactly a relaxing type of job. Maybe the group knows…oh here they come.

Izzie, the blonde's name is Izzie. She puts on a front that she is happy but something is troubling her. She doesn't talk about it though. They're all worried about Cristina, she was left at the altar. The guy just left without a word and they don't think he is coming back. Poor girl. Her friends don't know this but when no one is around she comes into my room to cry. I wish there was a way I could reach out.

All the doctors in this group seem to be hurting in one way or another. They all look so broken, almost tortured. It's so sad to see such young people in so much pain. Speaking of which, Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey has a weird exchange in here earlier. I think she was trying to tell him something but she wound up just leaving without saying a word. I think she is the reason he looks so tired. I've seen that look on a man towards a woman many times before.

On another note, my son came to see me today. Thank god he knows I am ok…well, he knows that I am alive. He's looking good, just came from a shift. He is a cop. He talks to me like I am here, he is being so strong. He tells me I was shot and they thought I was dead. Thankfully he was there to notice my very very very little breathing that I was doing or they would have pronounced me dead. Imagine that, I am fully aware of what's around me and they thought I was dead.

I see the way he looks at the blonde, that boy is nothing but trouble. Tomorrow he will have my daughter on the phone with me. She moved to New York and she is unable to come out here. I wouldn't want her to worry anyway. I don't want her to see like this. They are good kids, the best kids anyone could ever have. They are 25 years old and twins and they have all my wife's good qualities and good looks for that matter. You can't see but I just smiled to myself.

Dr. Karev is in here now. He doesn't like taking care of me very much. I think he is doing Izzie a favor. He keeps muttering about her under his breath. I wonder if he is the one she is so tortured by. Or maybe he is tortured by her? I cannot tell right now. I am sure they will be back later on or tomorrow and I will learn more about this great group of doctors. Until then, I am going to try to get some sleep. I pray that I wake back up.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm awake, that's a good sign. I actually got woken up to the sounds of arguing. Izzie and George were fighting about something. It got pretty nasty but from what I could tell whatever they had together is now over. It seemed to really have a harsh effect on both of them because every time they come in here to check on me they look like the living dead. I wish those two would make up soon.

On the same note Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey had another falling out in here. This time Dr. Shepherd was saying something about chief of surgery and how he gave it up to be with her. That caught her off guard but she still fought back to him. She obviously still loves him, I don't understand why she just won't let herself. He doesn't look like he's giving up just yet even though he says he is.

Dr. Karev obviously still cares a lot about Izzie but he won't just tell her how he feels. He always mumbles to himself about her. He's got it bad. One day he is just going to snap and let her know how he feels, I almost hope that it happens in here. Everyone in this hospital just seems to be so afraid of their feelings. Nobody seems to be happy right now and I find that rather sad.

On a lighter note, my son came to visit again today. I got to listen to my daughter on the phone. She just had a baby, my first grandchild. I got to hear the baby cry. It was music to my ears. I wish I could be there for her, I know she needs me. I just hope she knows I am thinking about her. I hope Junior, that's what I call my son, brings in a picture for me to see. I know they all think I am not here but they sure do act like I am.

Dr. Shepherd is going to bring me in for another scan, I hope they find something so I can get back to my life.

Nope, no change in any of my test results. Dr. Shepherd seems to be getting more and more frustrated that he cannot come up with any answers for me. He and Dr. Grey have officially called it quits. I heard them talking in here after my CAT scan. They are tired of always trying to make it work. She said every time they get together it ends in disaster. They are tired and feel like they just need some time away from each other or to move on completely. It was sad but they seemed to be almost relaxed after it happened. Maybe they just weren't meant to be.

My son, Tim Jr., he is going to get himself into trouble. He keeps flirting with the female nurses and doctors. I don't know where he gets it from. I think Dr. Yang is going to punch him in the face pretty soon, it's not like he wouldn't deserve it especially after what she's been going through. She doesn't come in here to cry as often as she was in the beginning but I can still tell she is hurting. I wish she would just open up to her friends and let them be there for her. I can tell she is much too proud for that, it's something I can relate to.

There was a new doctor in here today. Another Dr. Grey, she seems nice enough just a little frazzled. I wonder if she's related at all to the other Dr. Grey. I don't like the way she looks at Dr. Shepherd, she looks at him like he's a piece of meat. She seems like bad news. I shouldn't be judgmental, that isn't fair to her.

I tried moving my fingers again and still nothing. I tried for about 15 minutes this time, I just didn't want to give up. It tired me out, though. Junior showed me the bullet that did this to me. It made me angry but what can I do? I can't even blink my eyes. I wonder how Dr. Karev and Izzie are doing. It's sad that I care more about these people's lives than my own condition. Sometimes when Dr. Shepherd is trying to tell me about my progress I am paying attention to the interns gossiping behind him. It's the only thing keeping me sane right now.

I prayed for the first time since Dawn died. I figure it wouldn't hurt to at least try. I don't expect any favors from what ever God may be up there but I honestly don't know what else to do. It has been about a week now since I woke up like this. I saw pictures of my grandson, he looks just like my father when he was a baby. He's going to grow up a very handsome man, I hope I get to meet him. I am starting to worry that I will never come out of this.

Dr. Shepherd still has hope, he tells me just about every day. He is the only person who seems to have any kind of faith in me. He seems to be in better spirits lately, unfortunately it isn't because of Dr. Grey, neither Dr. Grey to be exact. Apparently the younger Grey likes him but he wants nothing to do with her and Meredith and him have decided it's better off if they just did their own thing for a while. I know she has stayed single but he has started to see someone. She seems nice, she even brings him food sometimes.

Meredith puts on a fake smile when she's around but I think some part of her is hurt that he has moved on so quickly, could you blame her really? I overheard her telling Cristina that she wants to be on her own for a while so she can get her life back together. It seems like that would probably be the best thing for her at this moment. Speaking of Cristina, she's starting to do a little better than she was when I first came here. I think she is going to be alright.

Dr. O'Malley and his wife are working on making their marriage work…for the baby's sake. They just found out that she is pregnant. He had told her what happened between Izzie and him so they weren't speaking for a while. George actually moved back in with Meredith and slept on the couch. A baby changes everything though. I hope they can work everything out. Late at night he comes into my room to study. He is really trying this time around to be a better doctor, good for him.

Tim Jr. got himself slapped in the face by Dr. Stevens today. I knew that was going to happen. When I get out of this I am going to teach that boy the right way to talk to a woman. Wow, I actually said when, I haven't thought when in a few days. Tim better watch his back because it looks like the next person who will be hitting him will be Dr. Karev and that will be a lot harder than a little slap on the cheek. Speaking of Dr. Karev and Dr. Stevens, I think he is very close to telling her how he feels about her.


	3. Chapter 3

I had a dream last night. It was a calming dream. Dawn was there telling me everything was going to be alright, I hope she's right. It doesn't seem like anything is changing, I still can't move a muscle. Nobody has noticed that I am looking at them, even my own son. They see my eyes open but they think I am not mentally there, well I am. Sometimes I just want to scream out to them, but nothing comes out. I want to reach out but my arms don't move. I feel like a corpse, I feel useless.

I don't know what to talk about first, Dr. Shepherd or Dr. Karev. I guess I could talk about Dr. Shepherd first because I want to save the best for last. The Dr. Shepherd thing is simple. Well it's not simple, it actually seems quite complicated but at least explaining it will be simple. He is smiling. Now I know that doesn't seem like much but he is smiling around Meredith, at Meredith. Maybe things with Ellen are over. Yes, her name is Ellen, I found that out the other day. They seem to be acting civil towards each other, he even brought her coffee. They almost seem like they're best friends. You never know though, this hospital sure is weird. That seems like nothing compared to what else happened in my room today, however.

I am going to just come right out and say it, Dr. Karev told Izzie that he loves her! It was amazing actually, simply amazing. I think it was one of the most emotional confessions of love I have ever witnessed. I have to get this right in order to do it justice, I hope I can remember everything. It went something like this, "Izzie, I cannot stand here another moment and deny the feelings I have for you. I thought it would go away, but every day it grows stronger within me. Look, I love you and I need to tell you that I love you because if I don't tell you then you will never know and if you never know then we will never be able to be the couple I know we can be. You don't need to say it back, hell you don't need to say anything. Look, I am going to kiss you and if you kiss me back then I know you feel it too and if not then we will move on. I know you're hurting from so many things but I promise you that I want to be that person who will always make it ok." Then he kissed her and it was amazing, I am pretty sure I saw fireworks. She kissed him back, oh yes she did. Then he left and she smiled and it was beautiful.

So I found out who has been having sex with my nurse. Apparently he is a doctor here, Dr. Sloan. They said he is a plastic surgeon. He shouldn't even be on this floor. There are actually a group of nurses here who seem to be up to go good. They have just transferred in from another hospital and while they are very good at their job, they're just a bit naughty. I mean seriously, who has sex in a patient's room while he is in there? Each of them has been causing trouble in different ways. Amy has sex with Dr. Sloan practically on top of me. Danielle flirts with Dr. Karev to the point where Izzie is close to kicking her ass. Emma flirts with Dr. Sloan which makes Amy angry and now they're not speaking to each other. Robyn flirts with Dr. Shepherd and Ellen doesn't see that but it doesn't mean Meredith isn't giving her dirty looks. So needless to say it's been a crazy week.

On a lighter note, Dr. Shepherd said that there has been more brain activity. I am guessing that is a good thing. He doesn't talk to me as much as he used to anymore, it's probably since he is happy. Every morning during rounds I make sure I listen extra closely to pick up any new information they might have. Every morning they normally say the same things, I can almost recite it along with them at this point. I don't think he has any more surgeries planned for me until he finds out exactly what is wrong with me. I still have hope that this will be fixed soon, hope is all I have.

Tim was here today for only a little bit. None of the girls want him around, serves him right. He is trying to get with the guys at the station house to come up with a solution to my problem. At least I taught him right about something, which is never give up. He talked it over with Dr. Shepherd today but Dr. Shepherd said all the information he had gathered won't help him find out what's wrong so it's back to the drawing board. He put my daughter on the phone and I got to hear my grandson as well. The sound of that alone is all the reason for me to keep fighting. I tried to move my fingers again today, no such luck.

You know what I really miss? The taste of food. I have been eating through this tube for it seems like forever. I even miss the way it feels to pee. I miss the feeling of everything. My world is so numb and it's been killing me more and more each day. They come in here and eat all the time. The smells wafting around my room are enough to make anyone orgasm. I'm sure it tastes like shit, it's hospital food. I would eat just about anything right now just to feel what it is to taste anymore. Oh here comes Cristina with a big plate of something, I am going to fantasize about eating.

Now it's getting interesting. I cannot even start off with talking about myself because that is boring, and this…this is interesting. I am bored of talking about myself anyway, it's the same stuff every day. Unlike Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd who won't even look at each other anymore. Obviously they have some issues that they need to get over. I don't see that happening any time soon, or ever for that matter. It doesn't seem like either of them are the communicating type. The reason why things are so heated is Meredith started seeing someone. He was all fine when he started dating but the minute she started parading around her man his tune changed. They both obviously don't handle jealously very well. It's actually pretty comical.

Izzie confronted Danielle today about flirting with Alex. That doesn't mean it stopped Danielle from telling Alex to meet her in an on call room later. On call rooms seem to be where all the action happens when they're not utilizing my room. I know I am supposed to be on the doctor's side especially when she is right in the matter, but I cannot help but find myself routing for the naughty nurse brigade even if Amy has sex with Dr. Sloan a few times a day right in front of me. It's a good thing I am paralyzed because they would see my excitement every time they're in here, did I just say that?


	4. Chapter 4

They brought in another guy that has the exact same thing going on as me. Maybe with two of us they can figure out what is wrong. The police were in here trying to narrow down their theories. At first they had thought it had something to do with the gun shot but this guy wasn't shot so it must be something else. Poor Dr. Shepherd has his hands tied with the both of us. I have to give it to him though, he isn't giving up. I sure do admire him for that. I know it's his job and everything but I am sure most doctors would have dismissed it by now.

Things around here have settled down a bit. Apparently there is a new head of cardio that everyone is ogling over. I haven't seen her yet but from what I have heard she is quite the looker. Of course all of the women are jealous of all the attention she has been getting. My heart is perfect so I doubt I will be seeing her unless this one is as naughty as my nurses. The nurses have gone to an all time naughty high. I can't tell who is more perverted, Dr. Sloan or them. I think Dr. Sloan is using this as some weird kind of coping tactic for getting over this woman who left. I was woken up late last night to the moaning so I just figured it was Amy but when I opened my eyes I saw that it wasn't her but it was Emma. When Amy finds out there is going to be a cat fight, I just know it.

Two people who are lightening the mood around here are Dr. Karev and Dr. Stevens. They have been so cute around each other since they had that amazing kiss it's almost enough to make you sick. What makes up for it is the way he looks at her and the way she looks back at him. Now those are two people madly in love. Of course Dr. Yang teases them about it but there is some pain in her words, I can tell. Everyone seems to be in a happy relationship while she is still devastated over her own. I feel bad for her.

Tim Jr. has gotten better about hitting on the doctors. I think Dr. Bailey scared the shit out of him and gave him a good talking to. He is heading the investigation of what happened to me and the guy next to me, I am so proud of him. I know he will get to the bottom of it. He always has pays very close attention to detail. It's too bad I can't talk. I would like to know what that guy is thinking. He probably is scared. I want to just let him know that everything is going to be alright.

There seems to be trouble in paradise city for Dr. Shepherd. He showed up today looking like he hasn't slept in a few days. He walked into my room for pre-rounds mumbling about Ellen so something must have happened last night. I think she was complaining about all the hours that he works but he mumbled so low that I only understood every other word. I hope he consumes a lot of coffee today cause it looks like he could fall asleep standing up at this point. I am almost glad he won't be operating on me today.

Dr. Grey is just the opposite. Things couldn't be better in her relationship. She actually got yelled at for talking about it during rounds. Michael is his name. He was at the house last night and cooked lobster for Meredith and her roommates. The guy sounds like a real keeper. She walked in here with a huge smile on her face and she was laughing. I think it broke Dr. Shepherd's heart a little bit. The look on his face when she walked in here smiling after he had been so upset was just murder. I had the pleasure of her on my service today, that's what they call it. I have been learning the hospital lingo since all I can do is watch and listen to the world around me.

Dr. O'Malley and Dr. Torres got into a huge argument right outside of my room early this morning. I don't think they're going to make it. I couldn't tell what it was about but it wasn't happy, that's for sure. I hope they work it out by the time the baby comes.

I almost want to stop thinking about my situation. Nothing seems to be changing and it's getting frustrating. It's a horrible feeling to be so angry and not be able to work it out in any way. I used to go to the batting cages and hit for hours when I got angry. It would be so relieving. Dawn would have to pry the bat out of my hands because I got so into it that I would lose track of time. Just imagine a beautiful blonde haired woman with two kids on either side of her bribing the machine operator to shut mine off. It was so funny. We would go home and laugh together about it. I sure do miss those times. I have been thinking about her a lot. Sometimes I wish that this would be over so I could see her again.

George can see me! Well of course he can see me but he can SEE me. I am talking like he can really see me. I know I sound crazy but today he was in my room early checking me out and he thinks I can see them, and I can! Nobody believes him. I tried my hardest to blink…to show him that he is right but I just couldn't do it. He won't give up on me. He's George. He will find a way to show them. I just know it. He and Callie officially split up so he has been spending a lot more time in my room. Sometimes I think he sleeps in here because he feels like he has nowhere else to go. But all that doesn't matter right now because he saw me and soon he will tell my son and my son will believe him and work on trying to figure out the answer.

Izzie and Alex are moving out of Meredith's house and getting their own apartment. Meredith says she is happy for them but I think she will miss them. I do agree with their choice, though, they need time to themselves to work on their relationship. It will be so much easier when they are together. I remember when Dawn and I moved out of the apartment we were sharing with a few of our friends. It really was a huge weight off of both of our shoulders. We had the thing that is most important which is privacy. I remember our first night in our first apartment together. We thought we would have sex in every room in the place just because we could but instead we wound up snuggling on the couch and watching a movie. It was just as good just because we were together and alone and had to worry about nobody but each other. God I miss her so much.

Ellen broke up with Dr. Shepherd. He looks terrible. She just couldn't handle his busy schedule. It's such a shame too because she really made him happy. I knew something was wrong when she stopped bringing him lunch. I think he needs some time to himself right now anyway. From what I have heard he's been on a relationship crash course for some time now. Seeing how it is around here I won't hold my breath on that one especially with young Dr. Lexie Grey on the prowl. It should get interesting.


	5. Chapter 5

It has been quite an interesting day here to say the least. Apparently Michael proposed to Meredith and she said yes. It's a little sudden if you ask me but then again you can't really put a time stamp on love. She is show casing the HUGE rock to everybody and let's just say Dr. Shepherd isn't too happy about it. I have a feeling he is going to do something drastic. I wish he had someone to confide in to tell him to just let her go. He is going to wind up making a fool of himself and getting hurt.

Dr. O'Malley has officially become our roommate. Poor guy. He is too down on himself to think Meredith will let him back in. He is scared to ask her. Doesn't he see that is what friends are for? To pick each other up when they're down. They don't know he is staying here. Ever since they became residents and he stayed an intern they haven't been able to talk to him as much as they used to. The mistake he made eats away at him every day. Izzie won't even look at him anymore. Alex knows. Callie knows. They all know. Meredith is so wrapped up in Michael that she doesn't notice. George is breaking fast though. Sometimes he cries. He feels alone. He feels like he doesn't have a friend in the world. It doesn't seem like he does to me either.

Dr. Sloan has not calmed down on his sexcapades with the naughty nurse brigade. It seems like every day now he has someone new. He must have been really hurting today because he was in here bright and early with Nurse Danielle. I had never seen her with him before. Usually she is too busy hitting on Dr. Karev behind Izzie's back. I wonder how the guy next to me feels about all of this. It's not like we can do anything about it right now anyway. I know when I get out of this I'll be keeping my mouth shut. I have grown to love these people like my own family. I would never get them in trouble. Especially over something like sex. I wonder if he will ever settle down.

Speaking of the guy next to me. His family came in yesterday to talk to Dr. Shepherd. They all seem like such nice people. They really care about him. The police, including my son, were in here asking them questions. Apparently me and this guy more things in common other than being in the same condition. His anniversary is on the same day as my anniversary. Tim Jr. and I always go out to dinner for it. It's a nice little tradition we started after Dawn died. What's also pretty nifty is that we also go to the same restaurant. Small world huh?

I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I just knew that he wouldn't be able to handle it. He snapped today. He just snapped. No one could stop him. He broke down. It all happened right outside the door. I heard everything and saw a little bit of it. Dr. Shepherd couldn't get a hold of his emotions today. She was so happy. And she was talking about the dress she found. He overheard it and he just snapped. He got down on his knees and begged her to take him back. He even yelled "marry me instead" at one point. Meredith tried to stay as calm as she could but it was hard. He wound up yelling back at him some pretty nasty things. I suppose he deserved some of them.

She didn't take him back. She said she's happy with Michael and he needs to respect that. He stormed out of the hospital. He hasn't come back yet. It's been 5 hours. Everyone is starting to worry about him. Every once in a while someone will come to check in on us but for the most part it's been quiet ever since it happened. I wonder what he is up to. I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid. He just walked in. I still don't think anyone knows he has returned. He closed the door behind him. He sat down. He is crying. He can't live without her. This Michael guy can't possibly love her as much as he does.

They are getting closer to finding out what is wrong with me. They just found a few more cases at another hospital exactly like me. There is hope for us yet. They also have made it clear that all of us had dinner at the same restaurant around the same day so they think it has something to do with that. I am trying hard not to get my hopes up for an answer but it's hard not to. I want to be excited. It's something I haven't felt in such a long time. I just don't want to feel that disappointment that may or may not come after. It's hard to control my emotions so I look to the hospital to keep my mind on other things.

Tim Junior stops by a few times a day to update me on the investigation. There is hope in his eyes. I don't want him to hope too much. It will kill him if nothing turns up. I can see the desperation in his face. I can tell he misses me. I can tell he is suffering just as much as I am. I would do anything to be able to reach out and hug him right now. He feels alone but I am here with him. I am always here with him and always will be no matter what.

Ever since Dr. Shepherd's outburst the other day things have calmed down considerably. He and Dr. Grey no longer work with one another. They no longer talk to one another. He can't. It hurts him too much. He started talking to me as if I were a friend. He started talking to me as if he thought I was listening. I am listening. I just wish I could offer advice in return. He is in so much pain without her. I want to tell him that he can't give up hope. Sometimes hope is all we have. He needs to still hope. If I didn't have hope then I would have nothing. He just can't give up. I see the way she looks at him, it's not over.


	6. Chapter 6

They found something. It's a real something. It's really real. It's happening. Things are moving in motion. I am so excited I tried to spring up from bed forgetting I can't move. The other hospitals have found out what has caused this happen in all of us. I am going to have a laugh about this later. When the pain goes away I will laugh. I never liked salmon. Any kind of fish just disgusted me. I couldn't even smell fish without dry heaving. The last anniversary dinner my wife and I had she had salmon. She was trying to get me to eat it with her and I refused. I almost made a scene about the whole thing. Looking back on it I should have just gotten the damn salmon. The reason I am telling you this is because the salmon is what did this to me. Well not the salmon itself, but the poison that was put in the salmon. That's right, somebody poisoned the salmon. After she died I started eating it once a year on that special day. It's a way to always keep her with us.

If Dawn were here right now I would be laughing so hard with her. It's so tragic but you can't help but laugh at it. I would joke around and blame her for putting me up to it and in return she would just laugh and say it was my luck. I could just see it now. I am smiling inside. One of the other hospitals has the medicine that will reverse the effects of the poison so they are just waiting on that to get helecoptered in. I don't even think that's a word but that's what is going to be happening. Dr. Shepherd said Tim is on his way in now. He is going to be so happy when he finds out I am going to be ok again. Now that Dr. Shepherd and the rest of the doctors know I am alive they have been talking to me a lot more and not just talking around me so I really haven't been able to figure out what's going on in the lives of my favorite doctors. It's kind of sad really. They probably won't hang out in here anymore either. There definitely will be no more early morning nurse sex sessions. Wait a minute, Dr. Grey just walked in to Dr. Shepherd and held up her left hand. There isn't a ring on her finger anymore. There he goes. He's going to get his girl. I wish I could find out what is going to happen with those two. It's crazy to say but I am really going to miss this place.

The End.


End file.
